sherycherry:

So, I guess I always knew this before, but I came to the realization that the hardest people to forgive, tolerate, and love in my life is my family. Sometimes I feel like I’m deprived of a family. I know that there are so, so, so many more people with worse situations that I am in, of course. But I just want to think, want to write, want to vent without feeling selfish right now. I wish my parents showed more love. I wish they cared for one another more than they show, I wish they showed more encouragements than disappointments, and I wish they looked at bigger things in life. I remember when I was younger and things were in a better place, when the whole family, including all the relatives, would gather for occasions and I felt like I was part of a big circle that included and loved everyone. Now it’s so broken. Relatives don’t even feel like family anymore. They seem like such strangers, it’s weird that I’m even related to them. I long for those times again.I also long for some family time. I miss the times when the my family would just sit and watch a movie together or when I would hear my mom singing while cooking,or when we do karaoke.I haven’t heard my mom sing in a long time.Those times seem so long ago, it’s strange. It gives me a kind of a weird peace to write about them though. Remembering those times help me remember the good times and reminds me that my family actually used to be like that. My mom, her main focus in life is my dad. My dad, his main focus in life is,who knows? So I had a dream recently about my mother dying and it felt so real. I woke up and it took me a few minutes to realize that she was alive and I have never felt a bigger relief. It’s true, all these things are only like trying to fill a broken vase with water while all you needed was the missing piece.